Dating for depressed people

So the person you’re dating has admitted they have depression. You really don’t need to change how you treat them or dramatically alter your behaviour.

Or you walked in on them crying because they’d forgotten to buy cereal, and you’re starting to wonder if something’s wrong. There are just a few things you should probably know. We’ll say we’re fine when we actually feel like we’ve just climbed out of a deep, dark hole in the ground.

They’re still the person you fancy and (hopefully) love, they’re just dealing with a brain that keeps f*cking them over.

We’re fine with explaining how it feels to you, but it’s really not our job to educate you on mental illness and what causes depression. I don’t cry 24/7 and I doubt that many depressed people do. We know it’s not a big deal that we’ve lost our socks. It’s just our depression muddies up any excitement or joy we’d usually feel. So don’t assume we’ve magically cured ourselves of depression because we’ve told you we’ve been fine for the last few weeks. Actually expressing that we might need medication is deeply, deeply scary.

This the unfortunate reality for many who suffer from depression.

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As I near the “dirty 30,” I’d like to think I’ve come to terms with my diagnosis and it’s because of this I think I have the strong relationships I do with the people in my life.

Evan, I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I like your dating advice because it’s been quantitative and specific (rather than vague and unclear like most others’).

However there is one issue I’ve never seen addressed on this site (or any other for that matter).

I’ve never seen this issue addressed in a way that’s been helpful to me. I had trouble with anxiety in my early 20’s and depression in my late 20’s, so I know what it’s like to attempt to function with that black cloud hanging over your head at all times.

The only response I’ve ever gotten was the clichéd “You need to be healthy to start a relationship. My issue was largely situational – subconscious freak-outs about graduating college in 1994 and the shattered dreams of failing to become a Hollywood screenwriter in 2001.

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